Deep Thoughts for January 1st…

self-love-quoteFirst, Happy New Year’s!  I’m excited to see what 2017 has in store!

I have not been the most consistent about posting and updating my blog.  It’s actually one of my goals in 2017.  I want to be more consistent because I enjoy the reflection and even if nobody ever reads my posts, it makes me feel good to put together my thoughts and get them out there into the Universe.  I think I feel like these need to be lengthy, so well thought out, perfect everything.  Instead, I’m just going to type.  How about that?

So, with that I start 2017 with some deep thoughts and reflection.  I was texting with my friend Kellie C.  I told her something that got me thinking about my own journey and it’s the issue of self-love.

I think true self-love is one of the most difficult things to achieve in this life.  We are impacted by so many things that happen during our lifetime that impact our feelings about ourselves.  It can be anything.  I know for me that I have struggled with my self-esteem and feelings of self-worth because of my relationship with my father.  I have spent much of my life trying to do things for people and trying to be “perfect” in hopes that someone (dammit, ANYONE!) would love me.  And then, in my last relationship, I learned a very important lesson.

You can be the most perfect girlfriend, partner, spouse.  You can work your ass off to be the “perfect” person, do everything for your partner.  And, guess what?  There are no guarantees that they will love you.  There are no guarantees that they will remain loyal and faithful.  There are no guarantees that they won’t leave you.

What that then left me with is the realization that I needed to figure out how to love myself more.

In the past, my thinking has always been, “I will love myself when I lose the weight.”  Because then, I would look better and feel better.  So, I started my weight loss journey.  But, with the thanks to WeightWatchers, therapy sessions for the past year, and my own weight loss journey as a whole, I learned a very important lesson about myself and about life.  I must love myself first.

Once I learned this, the weight came off.  I started to value myself enough to make the time to do all of the things that are needed for weight loss.  I started to value myself enough to say no to those things that were not in my best interest and yes to the things that were.  I started to value myself enough to spend my money on things that would benefit my goals.  I started to value myself enough to be kinder to myself when I stumbled or made mistakes.

Love yourself first and then the weight loss will come.

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