The Fear of Letting Go

I am sitting here at a work event and an old Facebook memory from 6 years ago popped up. It looks like I was doing this same event exactly 6 years ago to the day.

I remember the dress I was wearing on the left. I got the whole outfit from Torrid and I felt so good. I was already down 30lbs or so from my heaviest.

I also remember having a hard time letting that dress go when it started getting too big for me. For one, it wasn’t cheap. But also I only got to wear it once or twice before I started to realize it didn’t even look good anymore because it wasn’t hanging on my body right. That’s a legitimate thought and concern that I know many people have on this journey—I know I did! Continue reading

Grateful by Rita Ora

There were a lot of tears I had to cry through
A lot of battles left me battered and bruised
And I was shattered, had my heart ripped in two
I was broken, I was broken
There were a lot of times I stumbled and crashed
When I was on the edge, down to my last chance
So many times when I was so convinced that
I was over, I was over
But I had to fall yeah
To rise above it all
I’m grateful for the storm
Made me appreciate the sun
I’m grateful for the wrong ones
Made me appreciate the right ones
I’m grateful for the pain
For everything that made me break
I’m thankful for all my scars
‘Cause they only make my heart
Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful

Hello 2019.

I’m not going to be making any typical New Year’s resolutions like I have in the past. They’re always some kind of goal that seems to be centered around “fixing” myself. Yes, it’s always good to be open to self-improvement and growing.. I think I will always be striving for that. But, my goal for 2019 is SELF-LOVE. In all ways, always. ♥️

We can be so damn hard on ourselves and a big lesson I learned throughout this journey is that when I’m taking care of myself, my life seems to fall into place. I’m happier and my life seems to attract positivity and the right people and energy to me. The end.

So, for 2019, what if you just committed yourself to loving yourself more?

2018 Reflections

On this New Year’s Eve, I reflect on all that’s happened.

First, I have to say that never in my life would I have imagined being where I am today one year ago.  It’s truly amazing how much life can change in such a short period of time.  2018 brought a great deal of loss to me early on.

In a span of about 2 months (March and April), I saw the end of an unhealthy and toxic 6-year relationship that was draining the life out of me.  With that, I not only lost the home I had built over the last 5 years, but I lost my doggie, Klare, along with several relationships that I cared deeply about (in-laws, mutual friends, and stepkids).  And then, a month after I left, my cat, Khloe, passed away pretty suddenly.  And not even a month later, my family and I suffered the greatest loss of all.  My 92-year-old grandfather lost his 9 month battle to cancer.

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Letter to Little Kristina

Dear Little Kristina,

It is October 2018 and I have been reflecting on all that has transpired over the course of this year and working through so many things, trying to figure out why certain things have happened or why I do certain things the way that I do.

It was on my heart to write you a letter.  A letter that you won’t ever read in time, but one that is still on my heart to write you nonetheless.

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