I remember early on in my weight loss journey at WeightWatchers, I overheard some members talk about being Lifetime members that weren’t at goal. That this was just what they did. I knew at that very moment, this was my life. I could decide if I wanted to pay for it or get it for free. But that there was no quitting or walking away. I was in it for life.WeightWatchers has changed me and it’s made me into who I am today. It’s my Saturday mornings. It’s my WW family. It’s my amazing leader and good friend. It’s looking up and tracking my food every single day. It’s tracking no matter what. It’s eating a balance of healthy foods and indulgences. It’s working out and trying out new activities.
DAY 6. As we near the end of this Seven Days of Why Challenge, I have to say, it’s been a struggle to find reasons why. Many of the WHY’s I have shared are why’s that got me in the door and I, like some others have shared, am struggling to find the WHY that’s going to help me get to goal. Sometimes I wonder if I would be okay where I’m at. And then, I just know. I’m not.
My friend and WeightWatchers® leader, Jocelyn, posed these thought-provoking questions to me.
DAY 5. I want to be able to wear what I want to wear and not be limited in my options. Throughout college and all of my 20’s, I was limited in my selection for clothes. I look at photos and feel like I was stuck with plain, frumpy clothing. There were plenty of stores where I was stuck browsing the accessories. I love that I’m able to pretty much shop anywhere and am even fitting in some of the cute juniors clothing.
DAY 4. I’m tired of being a “big girl”. I am 5’11”, so I’ve always been tall. I can remember being the tallest in school (back row, center in all the class photos). And at 5’7″ by 5th grade, I was taller than some of my teachers. I was teased and called “Jolly Green Giant” or “Andre the Giant”. I even reunited with a friend from kindergarten online some 15 years later and when I told him I didn’t go by Kristina in school, but instead was called by my middle name Kimi(ko), he told me “OMG, I remember my mom asking me, ‘Whatever happened to your friend, BIG Kimi?’..” And despite being a straight A student that worked hard for her grades, I remember thinking that all of my friends’ parents must’ve thought I was dumb and held back several grades.
Being called a “big girl” throughout my childhood wasn’t uncommon. It was the norm. I do think it’s impacted my body image for sure and I cringe whenever I hear those words.
DAY 3. A major WHY for me is that I want to be a mom someday.
When I turned 30, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease (hyperthyroidism), which should have been great for my weight loss, but it was wreaking havoc on my body. I had a resting heart rate of over 100BPM, I was sweating all of the time, and I became jittery to the point that I couldn’t even hold a fork or chopsticks in my hand to eat.
And, the more startling health concern came when it was discovered that my thyroid disease was also creating a great deal of stress on my kidneys and I had to read “STAGE 1 CHRONIC KIDNEY DISEASE” on my chart. My thyroid was being attacked by antibodies and those antibodies were causing my kidneys to spill protein. A healthy arrange is between 0-75mg of protein. My kidneys were spilling upwards of 5,000mg. I was told if I don’t take drastic measures to get things resolved, I would suffer from kidney failure and be in need of dialysis or a kidney transplant within 2 years. And, the most devastating news came in May 2012 when I was told that having kids was not going to be possible. I was at too much risk for preeclampsia and that there was a great chance of me needing dialysis after having the baby.
All of this was heartbreaking and I’m crying right now just reliving those very moments and all the emotions it created.